This Just In: Umlaut Hö!

(The exact speed at which a Fred goes, "Wooo-hoo-hoo-hoo!," by "Anonymous Coward")This morning started out like any other. I woke up in the bathtub, took off my scuba flippers, puttered into the kitchen, and poured myself a Bartles & Jaymes. Then, I casually checked my Just Dachshunds 2011 wall calendar on which my helper [...]